Ranting

Ranting is something I find myself doing pretty regularly. That’s probably not healthy, but I find myself getting progressively pissed off with people and society. I understand that generally, people believe that you hold your own view of the world. That you have your own thoughts and feelings, and as long as you keep positive then you will maintain a relatively happy individual. I try to keep that in mind as much as possible, but to be completely honest, I find so much about the world hard to handle and hard to understand.

Maybe I am just a very sensitive and pessimistic person, I am sure some people reading this may think so. That’s fine, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  I just find that people can be quite self- centered and rude and don’t understand it. I mean understand that people can have a bad day, lose their temper every so often if they are hungry or tired or something like that.  What I don’t understand are people who are constantly trying to better only themselves or put other people down. It’s those people who are constantly choosing to use condescending tones when talking to other people that really get to me. Those people who just come off so coldhearted really make me question society. I know I am far from perfect but usually when I am rude to someone I feel bad almost immediately after. There are some people who just don’t seem to be impacted at all by how they treat others. I often life my life doing the exact opposite. I am one of those people that  will go out of my way to be there for someone,  dropping almost anything I have to do just to help out.  Like pick up a distraught or often drunk friend, in the middle of the night no matter how early I have to be up the next day. Maybe it’s because I’m a rather emotional person, that I’ve become like a magnet to people in need. Basically a an unpaid personal therapist. Don’t get me wrong, I never mind helping out a person.

 What I find crazy though, is that the minute that I am in the one in need, it seems like no one is there. To be fair, I am somewhat closed up, rather independent. Sometimes perhaps too independent to the point where I bottle things up over time until I explode. When I do, like I did a few days ago, the most I normally get from people is “Well.. cheer up!”.  What a fantastic response right? Like thanks a lot, as if I had the control over that. I mean if there was a button in my head that I could just press and then I would automatically feel better, I would.

 The other day in particular, I had a miniature breakdown, I had a terrible day at work where people were just flat out rude (that’s the thing you have to learn to get used to in the restaurant business though), a fight with my sister, and an overall lack of energy from the ongoing insomnia I am often faced with. My friend, who comes to me with almost all of her problems, no matter how minimal or serious, replies to my meltdown with “Oh jeeze, that really sucks!” . Now I don’t know if I should or should not be disappointed in this person. I don’t know if maybe I find myself fed up with people because I might be acting irrational. Perhaps I just expect too much from people?